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Lindir and Elrohir were peacefully asleep in their shared bed, the young noble's arm wrapped protectively about his lithe lover. It had been a long but enjoyable day in the White City with all the events surrounding the king and queen's wedding. Dignitaries came from all over to celebrate a new age and devoted love in a ceremony that would not soon be forgotten for its beauty and awe. Lindir was most memorable for his angelic voice and appearance as he sang in honor of the couple's union. Elrohir was proud of his lover and was pleased to hear many so moved by his beloved's voice. But it also brought a lot of taxing attention from many wanting to compliment and proposition the talented soloist for future performances in lands far and wide. The shy elf, although flattered, politely declined each and every offer to the disappointment of many. Nonetheless, it was a wonderful time of celebration and amity and by time the moon reached her zenith in the night sky, the two were happy to retire to their guest quarters for much needed rest.
The steady knocking of a bed frame against the shared wall woke first Elrohir and then Lindir.
"What is that?" Lindir asked groggily, lifting his head slightly off the pillow in bewilderment.
Elrohir, not ready to relinquish his comfortable position, craned his head attentively before dismissively snuggling back against his lover's white hair. "I believe our neighbors are having sex," he said sleepily.
"Isn't that Legolas' quarters?" Lindir asked, sounding more wakeful.
"I believe so," Elrohir replied, "Why?"
"Well, who is he having sex with?"
The two listened for a moment, hoping to hear some indication of what was going on in the room behind them but all they heard was the steady knocking against the wall. Elrohir shrugged and turned on his side. "Guess we'll never know. Whomever he's sleeping with I hope they finish soon."
Disruptive shifting jostled the sluggish elf as Lindir stood up on the bed, bracing himself against the wall.
Elrohir sat up. "What are you doing?"
"I want to hear what's going on in there," Lindir said as he pressed an ear against the wall. "Maybe I can hear who his lover is."
"Lindir!" the dark-haired elf whispered harshly. "That is absolutely scandalous. What's happening in there is private."
"When you have sex loud enough to wake your neighbors, it is no longer private. It's an open invitation."
"Get down from there."
"No."
A battle of wills ensued. Elrohir glared while Lindir, unaffected by his lover's ire, continued listening to the activities in the adjoining room, the expression of his face clearly indicating his amusement.
"When did you become such a stuffy prude?" Lindir asked teasingly, smiling affectionately at the scowling elf.
"I am not a prude," Elrohir said defensively. "I just don't like to listen to other people having sex."
"You ever listened to other people having sex?"
"No."
"Then how do you know you don't like it?"
Elrohir opened his mouth but found he had no response to that question. He shook his head. "I just don't see the appeal, that's all."
Lindir shrugged, tousled his lover's hair tenderly and continued listening, a smile now broad upon his face. His eyes suddenly lit up in surprised shock and he covered his mouth. "I think Legolas is sleeping with a dwarf," he whispered delightedly. "Or I should say; Legolas is being pounded into the mattress by a dwarf." He listened for a few moments longer before adding with appreciation, "A well endowed dwarf."
"What?" despite his earlier shock, Elrohir was now curious and could no longer deny it. Lindir's enthusiasm was contagious. He stood up on the bed beside his lover and pressed an ear against the wall.
They could hear the desperate grunts and cries of two individuals in the adjacent room. They easily identified Legolas, the reserved, quiet warrior now sounding completely wanton and undone as he gasped and cried out with every forceful thrust. He called out one name throughout his unrestrained ecstasy.
"Ai, Gimli! Gimli! Oh, Valar! Yes! Ugh!"
"Oh my," Lindir said cheekily.
"I must admit that I am impressed," Elrohir commented, his ear still pressed against the wall, his earlier shock over his lover's irreverence clearly forgotten in his fascination. "I never would have thought Legolas to be so...uninhibited."
"I've heard that Legolas had become close friends with Gimli during their travels," Lindir sounded quite mirthful. "I now understand why. I think I may go befriend one of the dwarf delegates tomorrow."
Elrohir was not amused by his lover's idea of humor and was about to comment when a loud thump against the wall made the two elves jump back slightly in surprise. They looked at each other in disbelief before throwing themselves against the wall again. What was once amusing was now exciting and very arousing.
They listened as Legolas reached his completion with an abandoned cry while Gimli grunted and groaned long and harsh to his own.
Silence.
"Well," Elrohir began, his mouth suddenly dry. "That was..."
Lindir didn't give him time to finish as he threw himself into his lover's arms with a wild kiss. It took much dexterity on Elrohir's part not to have them tumble painfully to the floor. He guided them back down to the bed where they continued to kiss and tease each other.
The noble suddenly stopped and jumped off the bed, pulling his lover easily with him. "Not on the bed."
Lindir laughed as he wrapped his legs about the dark-haired elf's waist. "What? You don't want to risk waking the neighbors?"
Elrohir chuckled softly as he held Lindir tightly, nuzzling tenderly against the porcelain neck as he walked to couch on the far side of the room. "Let's just say I'm not ready to extend an open invitation."
They laid together, caressing each other tenderly through their night clothes. "We really should teach those two a lesson; disturbing our sleep like that," Lindir said thoughtfully as he ran his fingers idly through Elrohir's dark hair.
"Of course but first things first, my dearest," Elrohir replied softly, kissing his love deeply.
The next morning when Legolas opened the door to his guest quarters, a folded piece of parchment fell to the floor where it was once wedged against the doorway. Curious, Legolas picked up the paper, unfolded it and read written in fine elvish script:
All hail Gimli; God of Orgasms
The Mirkwood prince gasped audibly, immediately deducing the message's meaning, and his face turned a bright shade of red in mortification. He quickly cast wide eyes up and down the empty hallway before hastily stepping back into the room and closing the door, deciding that would be where he shall spend the remainder of his days on Middle Earth.
The End
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